Why I unfriended you on Facebook

Unfortunately, there are no classes in high school to prepare us for what life is like inside the social media bubble. Since man first inked the location of the local hunting spots, in less than 160 stick figures, on the cave wall, we've had the desire to share our our life's journey with the world. We have an innate need to share what we love, think, do, witness, believe and create.

The concept of social media in the digital age is a pretty new one. As mature members of society, it's our responsibility to determine the ground rules for acceptable behavior. Ideally, we would seek to inspire each other, grow in our relationships and enjoy the perks of being an affluent nation.

That, however, has not been my experience when using Facebook & Twitter. Instead, it's become a narrative of the mundane, inappropriate and uninspiring. So, I've decided to exact some control over the personal space inside my little bubble by removing any toxic, unneeded and undesirable participants.

Without further adieu, here are the rules I've set to determine who gets bumped from my friends list.

1. You share too much. This can be in frequency as well as content. The world doesn't want to know what you're doing every minute of every day. Do you narrate what you do out loud while you're doing it too? "Elizabeth walks to the refrigerator to get a glass of milk. I'm drinking the milk. Gulp... putting the glass in the sink..." Blah!

Also, and this is important... I don't want to know what happened the last time you had a bowel movement, and I certainly don't want details about it.

2. You lean either too far to the left, or too far to the right politically. If you have the common sense not to talk politics during family gatherings, then why would you force those same people, and many more, to listen to the same stump speech in their news feeds? People who have nothing better to do than spout political rhetoric day after day never really move forward. They end up 'walking' in circles becoming too predictable, bitter and unreachable. Stand up straight and branch out. Or don't, I've already removed you from my friends list.

3. Your status updates come with a black bar covering words or part of photos. Seriously, if you wouldn't say something that vulgar at your grandma's house, why would you want your sweet Aunt Edna to see it on Facebook? Your 13 year-old cousin doesn't need any help from you in sex-ed. Keep your porn under your mattress like your dad used to and off my iPad.

4. You're so angry, bitter and whiny that I have to take Prozac to get through one of your rants. Every post you make pushes both of us one step closer to seeing the inside of a padded room. If you're so miserable and life sucks so badly, why would you want to share that with the rest of us? You're just making the rest of us miserable too.

5. You're unbelievable. No, not like the hit song from EMF... as in, I can't believe anything you tweet. You lie. You exaggerate so much that not even your own mother is friends with you on Facebook. Be real. Social media is about being social, not making you the next cover story for the Enquirer.

Since you're now singing the lyrics to Unbelievable in your head, here's the link to the YouTube video http://youtu.be/waacof2saZw

If you've somehow found this blog and then realized that we're no longer friends on Facebook...

Well, this is awkward.


Can you think of other reasons why you would unfriend someone on social media? Feel free to add them in the comments below.